A very cold winter day has turned to a bitter cold winter night. These are some of the shortest days of the year, so for a few minutes this afternoon, I sat in a sunbeam on our hardwood floor absorbing the rays of sunlight.
The house was quiet and I was alone with Gunther, our cat while Donovan napped. I started to read a chapter of Pema Chodron's "When Things Fall Apart." The chapter is about how "this moment is the perfect teacher" and right off, she states how so-called negative feelings like anger, embarrassment, irritation, and resentment point to the place where we are "stuck."
It was the apt thing to read after this morning's playgroup where a father made an irritating comment about Donovan. This dad has a little boy who is almost 3 years old, so he's in a different development strata than Donovan, who is 19 months. Our kids were playing around a little plastic sliding board and his son was running rowdy with two other 3-year-olds. Donovan was hesitating to go down the slide (he had a scary incident this autumn on a giant inflatable) and the older boys were trying to push past him. A mom intervened on Donovan's behalf and that's when this father said "Donovan's a thick little guy, isn't he?"
I'm not even sure what I said, but inside I was like,"WTF?" Donovan is tall for he age and solid, but "thick" just isn't a flattering word and I wondered where this father was coming from. Maybe I am an oversensitive mom, but the crazy thing is that this dad made an unlikeable comment about Donovan before!
We actually met this father and son once or twice during the summer at the Fishtown Rec Center. He's a nice enough guy, older than me and seemingly mellow. At that time, Donovan had only been walking for 2 or 3 months and his legs were somewhat bowlegged. I was told this was common among babies who just start walking. After observing Donovan walking around the gym set, he said, "he walks like a cowboy." "Yeah," I laughed, "he's still a little bowlegged." However, it bothered me a little. It was very mean but it wasn't very nice either.
I realize that this man's comment about Donovan today bothered me less than the first time. My vanity, projected on my son, made me susceptible to this man's judgement; I momentarily got stuck in the negative goo but I stepped out of it pretty quickly and didn't think about it again until hours later when I read Pema Chodron's book. Almost in the moment, I think I understood that the unflattering word was the product of another parent's critical mind, not mine and I'm free to discard it immediately.
